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For a moment, things got so bad that my ex and I stopped talking for a bit, but we're fine now, thankfully. We met up recently, and it turned out, like with most things, to be a matter of miscommunication. I thought it was understood that exes are off limits to best friends, or hell, even good friends. Here's the thing: I don't ever want to date my ex again. Does Gretchen Weiners have a point about the rules of feminism? So in your opinion, what are the rules about dating exes?I have a number of girlfriends that I’m appalled that I ever dated, a handful of girlfriends who were wonderful whom I didn’t appreciate, and a few girlfriends that really, would have been better off as friends. If you’re a recent couple, you don’t really have a right to say anything about how he lives his life.You don’t have any leverage on a man until he loves you, and the more you pressure him to change, the less likely he’s going to be busting out the “L-Word” any time soon.But then the smoke began to clear and I started to see my ex’s for what they were – normal, flawed women, not visions of perfection like I made them out to be.
It seems pretty clear from the outside that the ex-boyfriend is her best friend and “soulmate”, while the husband is merely the father to her children.
And that created a whole shitshow of drama and insecurity for me. While I wouldn't mind seeing my ex go hook up and be happy with a stranger, there is an undeniable sting when it's with someone you know. Maybe if we didn't have the capacity to feel jealousy and insecurity, we could all just have a big happy orgy.
It didn't feel good worrying if he would trade in our friendship just for a forbidden make out with my best friend. And I don't think you should ever apologize or justify that sting.
I don't think those are the rules of feminism so much as the rules of human decency. That's some Dawson-Joey-Pacey kind of betrayal, and I can only imagine the level of hurt you've been feeling. We don't betray the ones we love the most, or at least we try not to!
I dealt with a similar sort of situation with an ex and a best friend. I understand that no one is perfect and that shit does, in fact, sometimes happen, but your best friend and your ex hooking up is a BIG dump to take.