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It can cause someone to believe everyone would be better off without him, or even that others would be better off dead.

It can cause people to feel sad, angry, guilty, numb, or rageful, even when none of this is how they feel when they aren’t depressed.

They can smile and laugh; they can act like everyone else, even while they are in excruciating emotional pain.

Usually they find a way to spend time alone crying or letting down the facade and then go back to acting when they have to be with people.

Of course if you aren’t trustworthy—if you judge them, or talk to others about what they tell you, or interrupt, get impatient, or misunderstand them, then it is better for them to talk to someone who can really listen without any of this.

Being a reliable, trustworthy, patient, nonjudgmental listener is the best thing you can do in most cases with someone who is depressed.

Depression also has a built-in isolating fog quality that makes it very difficult to feel connected to people.

On top of the pain they already feel, acting happy is emotionally exhausting, and having this secret is isolating. Others funnel their pain into anger and people see them rage, abuse, shame, or react with annoyance or irritation to whatever happens around them.

They may or may not themselves know they’re depressed, but others often don’t guess how much devastating emotional pain they are in.

But the thrill wears off, and they are depleted by the effects of the addiction and may also feel remorse or shame, so the depression descends on them, pulling them down like a cement jacket.

They begin the cycle again to try to feel better; they plan and anticipate.

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