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Chris's father was a Southern Baptist minister who preached fire and brimstone, and Chris was taught that being gay was the ultimate sin — an absolute sentence to hell. After we watched the movie "Romancing the Stone," Chris said, "I think I could marry you." I was speechless, wondering if I was living in a romance novel.Then, after he kissed me good-night, he shocked me again, saying, "No matter what you hear, I'm not gay." In fact, I had heard other students say that everyone in his fraternity was gay.We obviously still had feelings for each other, and without explaining why he'd split up with me, Chris declared, "If we're going to be together, let's make it official: Will you marry me? I also had a stubborn streak, which I practiced as a child and maintained throughout our marriage. I wanted to show Chris that I would stick with him through everything.I didn't believe in premarital sex, but once we were engaged I went on the Pill and told Chris I thought we should make love.He refused, explaining that he respected me too much and that sex had ruined his previous relationships.Frustrated, I kept reminding myself that, as he said, "We will have the rest of our life together." In premarital counseling, we told the minister that divorce didn't fit with our values.The movie "Brokeback Mountain" turned a spotlight on gay men who lead double lives, having sex with other men while they are married to women.But that film only scratched the surface of their wives' miserable experience. " My mind flashed back to my own wedding day, when I was the virgin bride standing before family, friends and a minister. This kind of union happens more often than people may think; research done by University of Chicago sociologist Edward Laumann, Ph.

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After all, what man wouldn't jump into bed with his fiancé.

I suppose I was always suspicious, but I was in denial.

Early in our relationship, Chris told me he'd had homosexual experiences as a teenager but assured me it was youthful curiosity.

"I haven't done anything wrong." Instead of arguing about how I felt or figuring out how I wanted to handle the larger issue, I focused on what I needed at that moment — to take medicine and get healthy — much as I had throughout our rocky marriage.

It took a few more days of wrenching confrontation for our marriage to disintegrate.

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