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So, us non-escalator folks look for certain things as marks of commitment and emotional investment- things that say “Yup, this person’s going to come back for another date!
” and “This person recognizes and respects who I am.” The Relationship Escalator has implicit marks of commitment and investment- each floor reached symbolises deeper intertwining, like moving in together, sharing finances, getting married, having children.
How do they read emotional commitment, security, and the ongoing life of the relationship, when they aren’t defaulting to the regular milestones of dating, moving in, getting married, and so forth?
I’ve personally had a recurring fear of becoming part of the ‘Disneyland Relationship’ where the married family person goes to a fun-loving singleton to escape the reality of their responsibilities.
It’s depleting to your self-relationship to feel used.
We still chat to this day, and even though he is an ocean away, in the UK, there’s still chemistry between us. And, also, he knows who I used to be, what I’ve been through, and where I’m at now.
He regularly gets the “Cole’s Notes” updates on my life, and I get the summaries on his.